Mo Better Movember

Being the trendsetter that I am, I've been participating in Movember for the last two years.  Movemeber is a charity where men (i.e. me) grow a mustache to raise money and awareness for prostate cancer.  One of my great regrets in life is that I never had a "beard phase" (and no, not that kind of beard).  You know when you see pictures of guys at their wedding, or old photos of your dad, there's always that shot of him happy and looking goofy with his shaggy beard.  Dangit, I don't have that shot and it bugs me.  But given work and Katie's relationship right to veto anything that makes me look like an entirely "unkissable grizzled homeless man," there's no shaggy beard in my future ( unless I climb Everest, sail around the world, get lost in the Amazon or get transported back to 1840).  Drat!

So instead of a Shaggy Beard Phase, I get a "Partial Mustache That Never Gets Long Enough to Get to the Really Cool or Soft Phase." This year my work endorses it through our official "Movember" team, and Katie's on board (until exactly November 30) because I told her that we can't let the Cancerists win, because really, when it comes to cancer, you're either for it or against it.

I decided to go with the "70's Narc" look.  Actually, and honestly, it's a tribute to the mustache that my late uncle Costa had in the 70's.  There's a picture of him with my mom with a huge grin and sporting the absolute coolest Greek Beard of that decade.  Whenever I see that shot, I think, "That's the coolest guy ever."  But because I come from the "geek" side of the gene-pool, my 'stache is an homage to cool.

Participating in Movember is like being in hip club for a month.  You see people with barely there mustaches and you give them a knowing look.  But it's also kind of like playing Dungeons and Dragons.  Sure, when you're with you friends in the living room playing and laughing together killing Orcs its the coolest club going, but when you go to the dance after to football game, having a 21st level Elf Wizard is decidedly uncool.  Same with Movember.  Sure, when you're surrounded by co-workers and friends all of whom know about it, especially in a small town like Aspen, there's a definite camaraderie and even some jealous looks from guys who didn't get the hall pass from their girls to play with the other kids.  But I went on a business trip to meet some important people about a week into my growth and felt the need to start every meeting with a disclaimer that I'm not an aspiring pornstar, but rather, I'm growing a mustache for charity.  And the looks I got in Chicago on trains, at restaurants or even at the hotel check-in noticeably lacked any hint of jealousy or appreciation.  Katie was also in Chicago for business, and we went to dinner a few times with some of her clients and co-workers.  Surprisingly, and much to her credit, she did not lead every introduction with, "This is my boyfriend Jason, he doesn't always have a wounded caterpillar on his lip."  So while I was completely insecure 'bout my 'stache away from the nest, she just handled it as a non-issue.  Have I mentioned how lucky I am?

Anyway, once you're in the mustache club, you start to notice when others get involved.  I came across this picture that one Mr. Lance Armstrong tweeted about his Movember mustache.  I immediately went to the mirror to confirm that my mustache totally dominates his.  If this were the Tour de France, he would be Ulrich and I'd be staring him down over the bushy glory that is my Greek heritage.  So sure, Lance can put out something like 1000 watts, maybe I choose to allocate some of the energy that could produce power to growing my rockin' mustache.  Also, and I feel that this needs to be said.  Looking at that picture of Lance's mustache should end the steroid allegations.  Clearly there's no extra testosterone in that body.  I mean, I could grow a better mustache when I was 13.

So next time you're out and about you can play the Movember game.  Try to guess weather the mustache you see is a Movember mustache or a "real" one.  Use these helpful guidelines, Cowboy hat = real.  Sitting on a Harley = real.  Suit and tie = Movember.  Woman = run.